Journal-Review
July 30, 2009
There’s an old worn-out expression about marriage that is still prevalent among men these days: “Great Wife: Great Life.” On Aug. 4, I hope to be celebrating 25 years of marriage with my wife Jenny. It occurred to me the other day that I have been married more than half of my life. I’m not sure if such a milestone really means all that much, but along the way I have learned about the wonderful experience of marriage.
I had no clue what I was getting into on Aug. 4, 1984, in Syracuse, Indiana. All I knew at that moment is I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this one girl – Jennifer L. Hughes. I really didn’t know the “rest of my life” would entail – fatherhood, a call to ministry, saying hello and goodbye to congregations, the empty nest and the privilege of sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ with others.
I quickly figured out, though, that marriage isn’t always wonderful. Marriage is a lot of hard work. Marriage is a great adventure. Marriage is a mystery.
A major discovery I have made regarding marriage is that I enjoy trying to be a great husband more than having a great wife. I really did use to think the key to a successful marriage was being married to a great woman. You know, having a gorgeous, sexy wife.
I still think Jenny is beautiful, but I have come to realize that I find more pleasure in trying to be a great husband than in having a great wife. My job description is to do all I can to make her life easier. She is my best friend. When I keep focused on that task, my marriage is flourishing. When I steer away from my job, I know I am in for some rough seas.
I am a long way away from being a great husband. Yet, this is the goal I have set for myself. I may not attain it fully, but every now and then, I can see glimpses of what it would be like. Like sunlight shining through a stained-glass window, it reveals a depth of color and beauty usually unnoticed. Life becomes more vibrant when I take the time to make serving God and my wife as my No. 1 job.
Really, this lesson can be applied to any healthy relationship. This is the love of God, “agape” love, in which the lover seeks only what is best for his beloved. This is the passionate love of Jesus, totally self-giving. This seems totally upside down to the value system of the world. When we’re trapped in the cycle of pleasure, possessions and prestige, self-giving love seems to be a defeated way of looking at life.
True victory, though, is found when we surrender our lives to God. The man who loves this way is the greatest warrior. He is greater than any general who conquers a city for he has conquered himself. “Controlling your temper is better than being a hero who captures a city.” (Proverbs 16:32, Contemporary English Version)
For me, the words of Ephesians 5:25 will make me a better husband. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church.” This means I am devoted to Jenny first and foremost and I lay down my life for her. In other words, being a great husband is more important than having a great wife.
The most powerful human love I have witnessed in the past few months is when a husband and a wife endure the most difficult moments of life together. I have seen it in the eyes of brand-new parents caring for their newborn son; and in the eyes of a devoted husband keeping a bedside vigil as the love of his life slips away toward death. All that really matters in such moments is the self-giving love found in Christ.
On my wedding day, I could not have possibly understood the deeper dimensions of marriage I have experienced. “This mystery is profound,” says the Apostle Paul, “and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Somehow, the experience of marriage helps me to glorify God.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Connection Takes on New Meaning
Journal-Review
July 3, 2009
“Connection” is one of those words we United Methodists throw around all the time. I’m writing this article at Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana, where the first Indiana Annual Conference is taking place. Pastors, lay members, equalization members and guests from both the former North and South conference have come together to form a new conference.
Fresh on my mind and heart, though, are the 34 Jenny and I left behind in Hollywood, South Carolina, where I had the honor and privilege to participate in the 22nd annual mission trip to assist Rural Mission, Inc., in its outreach to the Sea Islands area. It was an amazing five days in the low-country and we both were blessed to be a part of such a massive effort.
To me, connection is the word we use to describe the on-going ministry of Jesus Christ to the world. It is when the Church works together to make the love of Christ real in a world full of hurt.
I have seen examples of “connection” everywhere. Worshipping with the loving congregation of Wesley United Methodist Church in Hollywood was a pure delight. Pastor Julius McDowell was leading his last worship service at “Big Wesley,” completing eight years of ministry. I am all too familiar with the emotions surrounding a “final sermon” at a church, so it was a privilege for me to be presiding with Julius and sense the love he had for his people. It was a jam-packed service, with about 185 people squeezing into the sanctuary.
Folks have said for years the most segregated hour in the world is on Sunday morning at worship. Seated at the front behind the pulpit in a place of honor and respect, I saw people with my skin interacting with those with much different skin. We came to South Carolina to serve God and along the way we were enriched. I saw tears of gratitude from both the folks at Wesley and our mission team for a beloved pastor. This, my friends, is what I mean by connection.
Here in Muncie, 2,004 pastors, lay members and equalization members registered for the first meeting of the Indiana Conference. On Saturday, we were divided into our 10 new districts and literally hit the streets of Muncie to perform community service in the name of Jesus Christ. We spent the warm Saturday afternoon picking up trash along residential streets near College Avenue United Methodist Church. Many were wearing red t-shirts with the theme of this year’s conference, “Re-Think Church,” printed on them. Pat Miller, our lay member of annual conference, joined a group visiting residents at a nearby nursing home. Others from our new West District did some yard work at a family crisis shelter and prayed for the needs of the community by prayer-walking the neighborhood.
Imagine the scene as folks from all over Indiana – places such as Terre Haute, Covington, Crawfordsville, Brazil and Vincennes – spending an afternoon ministering to Muncie. Like many Hoosier cities, Muncie has been hard hit by the collapse of the automotive industry.
In South Carolina, a group from Old Bethel United Methodist Church in Indianapolis put a new roof on Maurice Smalls’ house the week prior and we were able to begin the installation of new drywall, reinforce the sagging floor of the kitchen and haul away a large dumpster of debris. Soon, another Indiana church, Castleton United Methodist Church, will be staying at Wesley to begin a week’s worth of mission work.
Rural Mission reported there were 400 serving in South Carolina during our mission trip week. They were being the hands and feet of Jesus in a place full of need. This is true connection: love in action.
Our first reaction to the reality of God’s love through Jesus Christ is to love others. When we get in touch with how much God deeply loves us, then it is easier to love other people. If, however, our view of God is warped, then it is nearly impossible to love others.
So take a few moments today to begin an assessment. What is your love quotient today? How are you relating to others? Do you find yourself getting grumpy? Is there a short-circuit in your relationship with others?
Get in touch with that first line of 1 John 4:11: “Since God so loved us…” Allow this truth to sink in. It is truly amazing when you think about how the creator of the universe truly loves us. Our love for one another as followers of Christ flows from the love God shows by sending Jesus into the world. This love, known as “agape” love, involves putting others above your own needs. It means a bunch of little things – being polite, affirming and encouraging. It means listening. It means laughing with others.
July 3, 2009
“Connection” is one of those words we United Methodists throw around all the time. I’m writing this article at Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana, where the first Indiana Annual Conference is taking place. Pastors, lay members, equalization members and guests from both the former North and South conference have come together to form a new conference.
Fresh on my mind and heart, though, are the 34 Jenny and I left behind in Hollywood, South Carolina, where I had the honor and privilege to participate in the 22nd annual mission trip to assist Rural Mission, Inc., in its outreach to the Sea Islands area. It was an amazing five days in the low-country and we both were blessed to be a part of such a massive effort.
To me, connection is the word we use to describe the on-going ministry of Jesus Christ to the world. It is when the Church works together to make the love of Christ real in a world full of hurt.
I have seen examples of “connection” everywhere. Worshipping with the loving congregation of Wesley United Methodist Church in Hollywood was a pure delight. Pastor Julius McDowell was leading his last worship service at “Big Wesley,” completing eight years of ministry. I am all too familiar with the emotions surrounding a “final sermon” at a church, so it was a privilege for me to be presiding with Julius and sense the love he had for his people. It was a jam-packed service, with about 185 people squeezing into the sanctuary.
Folks have said for years the most segregated hour in the world is on Sunday morning at worship. Seated at the front behind the pulpit in a place of honor and respect, I saw people with my skin interacting with those with much different skin. We came to South Carolina to serve God and along the way we were enriched. I saw tears of gratitude from both the folks at Wesley and our mission team for a beloved pastor. This, my friends, is what I mean by connection.
Here in Muncie, 2,004 pastors, lay members and equalization members registered for the first meeting of the Indiana Conference. On Saturday, we were divided into our 10 new districts and literally hit the streets of Muncie to perform community service in the name of Jesus Christ. We spent the warm Saturday afternoon picking up trash along residential streets near College Avenue United Methodist Church. Many were wearing red t-shirts with the theme of this year’s conference, “Re-Think Church,” printed on them. Pat Miller, our lay member of annual conference, joined a group visiting residents at a nearby nursing home. Others from our new West District did some yard work at a family crisis shelter and prayed for the needs of the community by prayer-walking the neighborhood.
Imagine the scene as folks from all over Indiana – places such as Terre Haute, Covington, Crawfordsville, Brazil and Vincennes – spending an afternoon ministering to Muncie. Like many Hoosier cities, Muncie has been hard hit by the collapse of the automotive industry.
In South Carolina, a group from Old Bethel United Methodist Church in Indianapolis put a new roof on Maurice Smalls’ house the week prior and we were able to begin the installation of new drywall, reinforce the sagging floor of the kitchen and haul away a large dumpster of debris. Soon, another Indiana church, Castleton United Methodist Church, will be staying at Wesley to begin a week’s worth of mission work.
Rural Mission reported there were 400 serving in South Carolina during our mission trip week. They were being the hands and feet of Jesus in a place full of need. This is true connection: love in action.
Our first reaction to the reality of God’s love through Jesus Christ is to love others. When we get in touch with how much God deeply loves us, then it is easier to love other people. If, however, our view of God is warped, then it is nearly impossible to love others.
So take a few moments today to begin an assessment. What is your love quotient today? How are you relating to others? Do you find yourself getting grumpy? Is there a short-circuit in your relationship with others?
Get in touch with that first line of 1 John 4:11: “Since God so loved us…” Allow this truth to sink in. It is truly amazing when you think about how the creator of the universe truly loves us. Our love for one another as followers of Christ flows from the love God shows by sending Jesus into the world. This love, known as “agape” love, involves putting others above your own needs. It means a bunch of little things – being polite, affirming and encouraging. It means listening. It means laughing with others.
Relationships Matter the Most in Life
Journal-Review
August 28, 2009
If you are looking for a good read, may I suggest the Book of Philippians. Nestled in the New Testament, this book tells us the most about the Apostle Paul. It’s a personal letter. It is also a practical letter. It deals with a lot of the problems in life that we all face, a lot of examples of day-to-day decisions. Most of all, Philippians is a positive book.
The words “joy” or “rejoice” or “be glad” are used 17 different times in this book. In a world where we read about 11-year-old children being held captive for 18 years, what we find in this book is some advice on the most important aspect of life – relationships.
Right off the bat, in chapter 1, the Apostle Paul writes to us about people. If relationships are bad then life stinks. If relationships are strained life is difficult. If you have problems with people it kills the joy in your life.
One of the most shocking quotes I read about the case of Jaycee Lee Dugard, who at age 11 was abducted near her home, came from a neighbor. The girl was hidden for nearly two decades in the back yard of her abductor; hidden from view by a series of fences, sheds and tents.
According to the Associated Press, a neighbor in Placerville, California, said she could see the tents and often heard children playing in the backyard, the corner of which was near her own backyard. She said she even suspected the children lived in the tents, but her husband said she should leave the family alone.
What would have happened if the neighbor called child protection services, or asked a police officer to come over and observe the tents? How many years of misery would have Jaycee avoided?
Of course, we will never know. All of this is a reminder of how precious relationships – even among neighbors – are so vitally important. How do we develop solid relationships?
Philippians gives us the answer. One way – something every person reading this column can do – is to pray. “In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy.” This letter to the church leaders at Philippi, began with Paul’s promise to pray.
How would you like to have the Apostle Paul praying for you? Would that encourage you? How do you feel when you know people are praying for you when they are remembering you?
When I was in high school, I received the book “The Power of Positive Praying.” It was the first Christian book I read. Positive praying is much more powerful than positive thinking. There is something supernatural about the power of prayer.
I have seen this first hand in the life of First United Methodist Church of Crawfordsville. The quickest way to make a positive difference in a relationship is to pray for that person.
While people can often resist our words; they can resist our kindnesses; and they can even avoid us completely – but they are defenseless against our prayers. Those bumper stickers are telling the truth when it says “Prayer Changes Things.”
There is another encouragement found in this great little book. Paul did not write this book secured on a seashore retreat center. He wrote this book while in prison for his faith. “I am in chains for Christ,” he writes in verse 13. Yet, there is no bitterness in this book. There is not one hint of discouragement.
We don’t have to be imprisoned to be discouraged. Using Paul’s example, we can focus on our relationship with others.
Here’s the vision Paul painted to the Philippians: “And this is my prayer; that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ – to the glory and praise of God.” (verses 9-11)
What is so great about this letter is this vision can be ours. We can be a people where “love may abound” which means to overflow, like a tidal wave. We can be a people who can “discern what is best,” by picking up the phone when we suspect foul play and do the right thing so that we can be “pure and blameless.”
This is all made possible by Jesus Christ. It is within us to reach out for God’s love and guidance. This is my prayer for Montgomery County.
August 28, 2009
If you are looking for a good read, may I suggest the Book of Philippians. Nestled in the New Testament, this book tells us the most about the Apostle Paul. It’s a personal letter. It is also a practical letter. It deals with a lot of the problems in life that we all face, a lot of examples of day-to-day decisions. Most of all, Philippians is a positive book.
The words “joy” or “rejoice” or “be glad” are used 17 different times in this book. In a world where we read about 11-year-old children being held captive for 18 years, what we find in this book is some advice on the most important aspect of life – relationships.
Right off the bat, in chapter 1, the Apostle Paul writes to us about people. If relationships are bad then life stinks. If relationships are strained life is difficult. If you have problems with people it kills the joy in your life.
One of the most shocking quotes I read about the case of Jaycee Lee Dugard, who at age 11 was abducted near her home, came from a neighbor. The girl was hidden for nearly two decades in the back yard of her abductor; hidden from view by a series of fences, sheds and tents.
According to the Associated Press, a neighbor in Placerville, California, said she could see the tents and often heard children playing in the backyard, the corner of which was near her own backyard. She said she even suspected the children lived in the tents, but her husband said she should leave the family alone.
What would have happened if the neighbor called child protection services, or asked a police officer to come over and observe the tents? How many years of misery would have Jaycee avoided?
Of course, we will never know. All of this is a reminder of how precious relationships – even among neighbors – are so vitally important. How do we develop solid relationships?
Philippians gives us the answer. One way – something every person reading this column can do – is to pray. “In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy.” This letter to the church leaders at Philippi, began with Paul’s promise to pray.
How would you like to have the Apostle Paul praying for you? Would that encourage you? How do you feel when you know people are praying for you when they are remembering you?
When I was in high school, I received the book “The Power of Positive Praying.” It was the first Christian book I read. Positive praying is much more powerful than positive thinking. There is something supernatural about the power of prayer.
I have seen this first hand in the life of First United Methodist Church of Crawfordsville. The quickest way to make a positive difference in a relationship is to pray for that person.
While people can often resist our words; they can resist our kindnesses; and they can even avoid us completely – but they are defenseless against our prayers. Those bumper stickers are telling the truth when it says “Prayer Changes Things.”
There is another encouragement found in this great little book. Paul did not write this book secured on a seashore retreat center. He wrote this book while in prison for his faith. “I am in chains for Christ,” he writes in verse 13. Yet, there is no bitterness in this book. There is not one hint of discouragement.
We don’t have to be imprisoned to be discouraged. Using Paul’s example, we can focus on our relationship with others.
Here’s the vision Paul painted to the Philippians: “And this is my prayer; that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ – to the glory and praise of God.” (verses 9-11)
What is so great about this letter is this vision can be ours. We can be a people where “love may abound” which means to overflow, like a tidal wave. We can be a people who can “discern what is best,” by picking up the phone when we suspect foul play and do the right thing so that we can be “pure and blameless.”
This is all made possible by Jesus Christ. It is within us to reach out for God’s love and guidance. This is my prayer for Montgomery County.
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